Reader's Digest Reject #1

The year is 2005, the month May. I am inspired by my writing course with Brian Henry to spin a tale in 100 words or less; a form of writing called micro fiction.

A few days later, while visiting my sister-in-law and engaging in the popular Canadian past time of bathroom reading a Reader’s Digest, my eyes lit upon these words “Laugh With Us – Here’s How to Earn Up to $200.” And a gauntlet has been thrown down before me.

The stories have to be short and real-life.

I’ve got a million of them…Eureka! This is how my fortune will be made.

Or so I thought.

As I don’t have to tell you it is now March 2009 and Reader’s Digest has yet to pay me for my articles. Well, maybe that’s not totally correct. They have yet to inform me of their publication for you see it is impossible that they got passed over.

O.K. so maybe some better ones somewhere, somehow beat me out. So, what that means is I’ve been rejected….oops sorry, they’ve been rejected.

I waited for months and months checking my e-mail daily for a word from you Reader’s Digest. But, nothing not even an acknowledgement of my existence. Each month, in the privacy of my sister-in-law’s bathroom I scoured your pages for some indication that you knew of my brilliance. But no it wasn’t to be. My heart was broken; my bank account lay barren.

And, what do rejected lovers do? They seek revenge.

So, eat your heart out Reader’s Digest. I’ll bet now you wished you’d published them.
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BODY SURFING

While body surfing, my friend was slapped on the back of his head by a monstrous wave with such force that his dentures flew out of his mouth and into the Hawaiian surf. During this time, he witnessed a woman lose her contact lens in the same manner. Whereas he spent the rest of his vacation, unable to enjoy the fabulous local cuisine, gumming spaghetti, eating blended food and searching the beach in vain for his teeth; she miraculously, was able to pluck the contact out of the foamy surf and enjoy perfect vision for the rest of her stay.

True story – 100 words