Sunday, May 17, 2009

345, Sportline - I hardly knew ya

It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of the Sportline 345.

The first inkling I had that old Sport wasn’t itself was when the step count from my bedroom to the bathroom came in at 378 which would have put me approximately in the bathroom of a neighbour across the street and down the block. I was sufficiently awake enough to observe that this wasn’t the case; I was in fact in my own bathroom. Something was horribly wrong with 345.

During our last Forrest Gumping this morning, (my definition - when one just decides to go for a walk wherever your feet and inclination may lead, and do whatever feels right along the way til you decide you’re done) its little clicky sound was replaced more frequently by a heart sinking, swishy sound. It was clear that the clicky thingy mechanism that kept pace with my steps was on its last legs, recording impossible numbers shortly after numerous resettings. Demise was by euthanasia. I am somewhat consoled by the fact that old Sport died doing what it did only moderately well.

A short service took place at the garbage can near the south east corner of Lakeshore and West River Road in Bronte (please folks, it’s pronounced Brawnee not Bron-tay) on this blustery, chilly May 17th at 10:30 a.m. One person (that would be me) was present serving as minister, funeral director and mourner accompanied by a gaggle of geese tirelessly at work, grazing and producing their ever popular dog snack.

A second of silence was observed after which these words were expressed:
“Our relationship was far too short, a mere few months really. But, during our brief collaboration you inspired me to, if not great, at least adequate accomplishments.”

Internment will take place at a landfill site somewhere, perhaps in the U.S. sometime in the future. “May your days of rest be accompanied by the sound of children playing cheerily on the mound under which you rest for all eternity.”

In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity – “KNOT’M – Keep Nance On The Move” would be greatly appreciated. Bills in big denominations or cheques with a number (other than zero) followed by lots of zeros, would be best.

Thanks for your condolences.

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