Friday, August 29, 2014

Trash talk

From Osho Zen Tarot
Consciousness - Ace of clouds
Thursday Aug 28th - I walk the streets of Victoria looking for places to post my flyers advertising upcoming offerings; feeling vaguely down.

I've just come from mingling with a community of yoga practitioners at a brief memorial tribute to BKS Iyengar at a local yoga centre. I was once an active member of the original group from which this one evolved. Many of those long-time, pivotal members of this vital community, are present today.  It's surreal. Detached, I watch them mingle and chat, a simple interaction so familiar yet so far away. We have all moved on.
"How are you doing?" a yoga friend/teacher kindly asks.
"Good. I love being here" I say. However, I surprise myself when, "but it takes time to settle in," spills out of my mouth. As I speak, this truth, the emotion of it washes through me and my inner voice asks Where do I fit in?

A little over a year ago I returned to Victoria but only in the last few weeks have I felt myself setting down roots. They reach, spread, and dig deep down into the soil of this island. It is a lonely, and of necessity, a solitary, visceral experience: painful, comforting, frightening, uplifting all at once.

My task completed; I continue my wandering. What else pulls at me? The faint voice of my inner whiner spins old, worn out, all too familiar stories of woe is me…doomed to failure…Blah, blah, blah, on and on, round and round getting louder and louder now that it has an audience. The wheel of samskara threatens to etch deepening ruts. I let her run on. No new insights to be found here. I know the stories she tells and how she drags me down and I am done with it.

What to do?

My hand brushes against the net, outer pocket of my back pack and the bags within crinkle to the touch as I reach Clover Point. Without a thought, I pull them out and begin clearing the litter in the park on the bluffs as the ocean waves crash below on a somewhat blustery day. Becoming absorbed in my task,  involved in something far bigger than myself, everything else falls away. Peace at last!

After some time a disembodied voice asks, "What are you doing?"

"Clearing litter," I answer as I straighten up to see the beautiful woman that is attached to the voice.


"Because I'm bummed." WTF, because I'm bummed? Really, you say this to a stranger!

Without missing a beat she exclaims, "Oh, ya me too. What are you bummed about?"

I skim the surface with a brief, vague answer.

She immediately confides in me not only the story and source of her suffering but the wisdom she knows is needed in order to let it play itself out: to listen to her whole story, to feel it, to see the judgment, the accusations, the finger pointing, the blame, guilt and shame, to take responsibility for her actions, her thoughts and her emotions but not take on that which belongs to another, to stand back and to surrender to what is essentially a state of no-mind.

I'm dumbfounded. She has come to me as if in a dream. Her story is my story; the personal, untold one that grips me most deeply in a life where everything has changed.

After considerable time spent conversing like two long lost friends we exchange contact information, hug, wish each other well and go our separate ways.

This is the information she gave me.
Take a moment to listen to GIVE ME A MOMENT by VERONICA IZA

Her words of wisdom echo the card I drew this morning from the OSHO Zen Tarot to gain some insight for the day as no dream was recalled upon awakening.

CONSCIOUSNESS - the state of no-mind "is available to all who have become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be…there is a crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of your being. There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding you have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself. Accept this great gift, and share it.

Thank you Veronica. It was very nice meeting you and I'm honoured to share the gift of your beautiful voice.

Proving once again that one doesn't have to sleep in order to dream.

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