questionnaire

First off, no I wasn't on Staycation.

Some of my friends hadn't read beyond that blog entry, so when they didn't get a response to this latest questionnaire (I'm a sucker for these things. I am their answer to "Who is most likely to respond?") they assumed I was having a great time going on day trips with my husband for long drives in the country, dining in fine restaurants and chilling at home instead of playing musical chairs with my family at my Mom's bedside and being whisked away to places of her imagining.

I don't know why they call this one family feud, but here goes.

1. Name something you use in the shower. Water, way too much of it, a throwback from my modelling days when, after being exposed to cold, damp and drafts (artists' studios are never cozy and warm) I'd bike down to the Y (I had a free membership for teaching yoga there) and stand all blue and shivering for mucho minutos before I becoming pink and still.

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform. A body in pain, said my childhood friend Dan after he got recruited for the football team as an ideal defense man. When he broke his already broken nose he packed it in and went back to art and photography and, as far as I know, sustained no further injuries as a result of these past-times.

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield. A deer cus that means that I'm out in the boonies late at night, am tired, have veered off the road and though I'm O.K. my car is totalled. I'm crying my eyes out cus of the deer and the fact that my antiquated cel phone's power button got triggered by mistake 24 hours ago so that the deer's not the only dead thing, my battery is too. And there's a very sad antelope hanging around...

4. Name something a man might buy before a date. Courage, metaphorically speaking as he has to invest in himself.

5. What is another word for blemish? Oh, crap! Sorry, that's my response when I look in the mirror and see one festering on my face.

6. What is something you cook in the microwave? Atoms - well, technically you don't make them cook, they just dance around a little quicker.

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving. Depends on how strong you are and how angry, determined or frustrated you are. If I'm really pissed off just get out of my way; I could move a bus. I know a bus isn't furniture, but that's how strong I am. But then, if I'm really laughing hard my muscles go weak (try it, you'll see it's the same for you) and I'm done for; you could push me over with a feather.

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman. Because she's amazing, he's smart, really likes women and is done with games!

9. Name something a dog does that embarasses its owner. That depends on the owner.

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for. Life - let's face it don't you feel like you're being tested all the time and that the Gods are up there making bets on how you are going to do, what decisions you are going to make and one of them is raking it in cus they've got you figured out? And, they're all killing themselves laughing and drinking some elixir out of gold cups and deciding what challenge to put in front of you next.

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for. I think they get a badge for everything, don't they? And, they continue to want badges for everything thereafter.

12. Name a phrase with the word home in it. Home, home on the range where the deer and antelope play; where seldom is heard a discouraging word...that is before I hit the deer with my car and then I couldn't stop swearing and crying.

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth. Strip poker for old folks - it's as close to a sport as many of them will get.

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day. Wake me from my reverie, unless it involves cars and deers.

15. Name the person that is least likely to respond. Bob, cus I don't know him and I didn't send this to him.

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat. A T-bird with or without a deer draped over its hood.

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it. Skin...and you know the hole I'm thinking about, but you wouldn't want to patch it up.

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it. Our bodies, Mom used to be 5'3" or so and now she's just about my height 4'10". I'm in big trouble.

19. Name the person that is most likely to respond. No one, cus I cheated and put this on my blog.